Theatrics

Some assassins are so confident in their killing ability, that they don't just go straight for the kill; they do something flashy and unnecessary. Learn from 'Hallowed are the Ori'...

'Hallowed are the Ori' killed 'Felix Leiter'

'Hallowed are the Ori' writes,
This kill was so awesome that it merits dropping the prior act temporarily. I talked to Jon a few hours after I killed him, and found out that my next target was none other than my friend Greg, so I decided to stage the kill with Jon. Greg was at a local Inflatable Dome event at the time, so I talked to him and revealed that I had to kill Jon, disregarding the fact that I'd killed him hours earlier. About fifteen minutes after I left, I sent Jon in to talk with Greg, then I rushed in ninja- style and "killed" Jon, making a big scene of it. When the laughter subsided, I turned my weapon on Greg and killed him. Greg I'm sorry, but at least it was funnier than following you to class and shooting you in the back.

Originally published on Wednesday, February 08, 2006, in the game Urbana Dorms Spring '06

'Hallowed are the Ori', an excellent assassin, went on to win the game with 5 kills.

Shooting your mouth off: good idea?

The topic for this week's assassins story: If you are playing an assassins game, is it a good idea to talk about it in public?

Such talk has definitely gotten players killed before. Find out how it turned out for 'Miss Chievous" when she went in to a club meeting and started shooting her mouth off...

'Miss Chievous' killed 'Chierin'

'Miss Chievous' writes,
I went to Metal Club tonight and was surprised to find Matt in there. I started talking to him about my target Jerry, and I mentioned that I knew his AIM SoulOfDragonsFire. A girl in Metal Club overheard me say the AIM and, in a state of mild shock, asked if I knew Jerry. I replied yes and explained the Assassins game. She got very excited and, since she knew him, asked me if she would like me to have her call him up and bring him to Metal Club. Of course, I, very enthusiastically, answered yes. So, the plan was set and he was on his way to the meeting. I waited about 40 minutes until he walked through the door. I came out from behind the corner and shot him in the back, so as to avoid possible witnesses sitting in front of him.

Originally published on Friday, February 10, 2006, in the game University of Central Florida Assassins Spring '06

'Miss Chievous' went on to win the game with 5 kills total.

Call your target!

A quick, safe way to identify your target among several people is to call her phone. Learn from the story of Miss Jack Sparrow...

'Uruz' killed 'Jack Sparrow'

'Jack Sparrow' writes,
So there I am, spoon cleverly stowed out of sight, but easily accessible, enjoying some snackage at Late Night when my phone rings. "Oooh maybe its your assassin" barks my roomie to whom I have just finished explaining the game, and who is having a grand old time laughing at my paranoia. I don't recognize the number, but naturally I pick up and say hello ... but there is no response. Weird, I figure, but put my phone down and think nothing of it. Rejoining the conversation I notice the eyes of the friend in front of me shift to a space above me, a space occupied by a tall shadowy dark creature wielding a spoon. Before I can think, I hear the words "Are you Tessa?" Instinctively I turn, spoon ready to defend myself - but alas, I am too late, and realize I have already died by the hands of the sneaky stalker man. Damn.

'Uruz' writes,
Death by spoon to chest.

Originally published on Monday, November 14, 2005, in the game The Next Generation Fall '05

Chance Events

Randomness and luck often play a role in assassins games. Sometimes you just run in to your target by chance, when you were not planning to. That's why it's fun to play assassins in a smallish community of people that live and work close together, as shown in this excerpt from a dormitory game at Creighton University...

'butterfly' killed 'Someone 12'

'butterfly' writes,
So I was helping at the pike 5 on 5 basketball table today and of course I was worried about people sneaking up on me. I was a sitting duck for goodness sakes. It pretty much made my day when 'Someone 12' walked down the stairs on the mall. I pulled out my stickers and got ready for him to walk by. We both acknowledged each other and then he continued walking. I covertly walked up behind him and gave him a fatal sticker. Right when I hit him I knew he wasn't going to walk away from the attack and he gave up his stickers and target without a fight.

'Someone 12' writes,
I was assassinated by 'butterfly' on the mall around 12:45 on Tuesday, November 8.


Originally published on Tuesday, November 08, 2005, in the game Swanson Hall Paranoia Fall '05

Drunken Killing

This assassins game was unusual because it was organized for a close-knit group of friends, as opposed to large group of people who mostly don't know each other. So the kills happened in much less public places, such as a poker game, or a road trip, or in this case, a birthday party:

'Jet Black' killed 'Alex M'

'Jet Black' writes,
"Drunken Killing"

I went to Steve's Birthday party Saturday night with little intention of killing. However, I did bring a spoon along for self-defense just in case. Upon arriving at the party, I handed my spoon off to my friend not in the assassins game. When I entered, I got the pat-down and was found to be totally clean, while in reality, my spoon was in the pocket of the kid standing next to me! After a lot of jungle juice, beer, and a game of beer pong, my friend wanted to head outside to try and bum a smoke off someone. Outside, I notice Paul and talked to him briefly. He was going down to let in some friends, and I saw this as my golden opportunity. I asked my friend for my spoon, and as Paul came back up, he received a spoon in the gut. I was reminded of The Godfather when Michael takes the gun planted in the bathroom then comes out and kills the chief of police and the mob boss, except my spoon was the gun and my friend was the toilet. Anywho, it was rather bastardly of me to kill him, and I apologized several times throughout the night. I left my coat in Justin's room btw.


Originally published on Sunday, November 13, 2005, in the game An Excuse for Procrastination

'Jet Black' won the game, attaining three kills. 'Alex M' got second place, with two kills.

The Dormitory Package Tactic

If you are playing assassins and your target lives in a dorm room, you can always use this classic tactic to get your target out of the assassination-free safe zone of his room...

'swipper' killed 'Malfoy'

'swipper' writes,

"Is there a Kurt in here?" was the question asked to the brightly lit room as the target watched tv. "Yeah, I'm Kurt, why?" this was exactly the response that was hoped for... "the office has a package down stairs that they've had for a long time for you, just letting you know."

After the false message was delivered the trap was set; lying in ambush the prey fell straight into the trap walking down a few minutes later. Asking the office for his package brought a confused look from the desk clerk and a resounding echo of a gun blast as the nerf dart hit him in the chest... the body immediately went into violent spasms as blood sprayed everywhere... I pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the splattered blood from the still smoking barrel, then coolly walked over the body and out the door. [dramatization]

'Malfoy' writes,

Again, the television, it entrances me and I lose touch with reality...

Not Gilmore Girls this time, but CSI, how appropriate, Crime Scene, well, there really is no investigation, but there was a crime scene.

The Mailboxes...

So I was chillin like ice-cream-fillin and this guy walks by my room. He knocks and says, "hey Kevin, or uhh Kurt, you have a package downstairs and its been there for a while, so if you could pick it up, that would be great."

This time, I wasn't so off my guard. I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed towards the door. But then something flashed across my idle mind. SPOON! I turned around and grabbed one of the three that have been occupying my pencil cup for the past week. I peaked my head outside my room in case my assailant was simply waiting there. When silence reached my ears, my heart slowed and my mind was put at ease. My friend and I went downstairs to retrieve this fabled 'package.' I sauntered on up to the mail counter and inquired as to the whereabouts of my mail. The lady at the counter was obviously confused; not even aware that a guy was working tonight, I became slightly suspicious, but only slightly. As I approached my mailbox, a head peaked around the corner. I dismissed it, honestly, my stomach was driving me, not my mind. With thoughts of candy and cake I looked into the small box of hopes labeled '491' and as I turned to go back to the counter, I was pierced by a foam shaft of misery...

Damn Nerf guns...

Happy Huntings!


Originally published on Thursday, October 13, 2005, in the game Champaign Dorms Fall '05

The lessons is that if you are playing assassins, don't trust every stranger who tells you to do things! That stranger might be your assassin.

'swipper' went on to get a second kill. He was eliminated before the game ended, but he still won the game since he had been the first player to reach 2 kills, and there were no players with 3 or more kills.

Uneasy Alliance

In assassins games, players often must target their friends. It's a tricky situation that can result in uneasy alliances, as seen in this story.

'Dr. Zoidberg' killed 'masterchief'

'Dr. Zoidberg' writes,
After a week or so, I finally killed masterchief. He knew I was coming for him so we had an epic battle before our history class this morning. He can explain it better so I'll let him do it.

'masterchief' writes,
This is the tale of the kill; it is a story of deceit, alliances and the battle of the century. Last week as I was studying for my midterm for history, my friend came over to study with me. He sat down and i asked him who his target was for the assassins game. He hesitated...I turned to my computer and continued typing, I had a midterm tomorrow. I then felt a tapping on my left arm; I looked and he was holding a spoon in his hand. I was surprised; he was in the other game and couldn't possibly be my killer. He took out his card showed me and I immediately stabbed him in the chest with my spoon. He looked puzzled and stated that he killed me already, but in reality he hit me on the arm [default rules say that the hit must be on the torso]. As a result of this misunderstanding and stuff (and me being a nice friend) we made an alliance such that this world has never seen before. I was to kill a person every week, and he would not kill me.
This worked at first, I killed barney fife. Everything looked great. But then I got my next assignment and I just got lazy. A week passed and it came to today at 7:50 in the morning. I knew today was the day. I took my duel nerfs and put them in my front pocket of my sweater and went downstairs. He was standing on the other side of the street (we have the same class on thursday) and i tightened my grip on my weapons. He had some weapon in his hand, and i warned him to keep his distance. His other hand shot out of his pocket and revealed a nerf gun. He shot and I skillfully dodged this, but in doing so, I made it so I couldn't get my guns out. He then took out his spoon and half a millisecond before I shot him with both my guns he stabbed me in the right shoulder. I will have my revenge on u wind guy and you will feel my full wrath.

Originally published on Thursday, October 20, 2005, in the game Champaign Dorms Fall '05

Dr. Zoidberg was one of only three players that survived until the end of the game, finishing with just one kill. Masterchief died in this story with one kill.