Drunken Killing

This assassins game was unusual because it was organized for a close-knit group of friends, as opposed to large group of people who mostly don't know each other. So the kills happened in much less public places, such as a poker game, or a road trip, or in this case, a birthday party:

'Jet Black' killed 'Alex M'

'Jet Black' writes,
"Drunken Killing"

I went to Steve's Birthday party Saturday night with little intention of killing. However, I did bring a spoon along for self-defense just in case. Upon arriving at the party, I handed my spoon off to my friend not in the assassins game. When I entered, I got the pat-down and was found to be totally clean, while in reality, my spoon was in the pocket of the kid standing next to me! After a lot of jungle juice, beer, and a game of beer pong, my friend wanted to head outside to try and bum a smoke off someone. Outside, I notice Paul and talked to him briefly. He was going down to let in some friends, and I saw this as my golden opportunity. I asked my friend for my spoon, and as Paul came back up, he received a spoon in the gut. I was reminded of The Godfather when Michael takes the gun planted in the bathroom then comes out and kills the chief of police and the mob boss, except my spoon was the gun and my friend was the toilet. Anywho, it was rather bastardly of me to kill him, and I apologized several times throughout the night. I left my coat in Justin's room btw.


Originally published on Sunday, November 13, 2005, in the game An Excuse for Procrastination

'Jet Black' won the game, attaining three kills. 'Alex M' got second place, with two kills.

The Dormitory Package Tactic

If you are playing assassins and your target lives in a dorm room, you can always use this classic tactic to get your target out of the assassination-free safe zone of his room...

'swipper' killed 'Malfoy'

'swipper' writes,

"Is there a Kurt in here?" was the question asked to the brightly lit room as the target watched tv. "Yeah, I'm Kurt, why?" this was exactly the response that was hoped for... "the office has a package down stairs that they've had for a long time for you, just letting you know."

After the false message was delivered the trap was set; lying in ambush the prey fell straight into the trap walking down a few minutes later. Asking the office for his package brought a confused look from the desk clerk and a resounding echo of a gun blast as the nerf dart hit him in the chest... the body immediately went into violent spasms as blood sprayed everywhere... I pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the splattered blood from the still smoking barrel, then coolly walked over the body and out the door. [dramatization]

'Malfoy' writes,

Again, the television, it entrances me and I lose touch with reality...

Not Gilmore Girls this time, but CSI, how appropriate, Crime Scene, well, there really is no investigation, but there was a crime scene.

The Mailboxes...

So I was chillin like ice-cream-fillin and this guy walks by my room. He knocks and says, "hey Kevin, or uhh Kurt, you have a package downstairs and its been there for a while, so if you could pick it up, that would be great."

This time, I wasn't so off my guard. I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed towards the door. But then something flashed across my idle mind. SPOON! I turned around and grabbed one of the three that have been occupying my pencil cup for the past week. I peaked my head outside my room in case my assailant was simply waiting there. When silence reached my ears, my heart slowed and my mind was put at ease. My friend and I went downstairs to retrieve this fabled 'package.' I sauntered on up to the mail counter and inquired as to the whereabouts of my mail. The lady at the counter was obviously confused; not even aware that a guy was working tonight, I became slightly suspicious, but only slightly. As I approached my mailbox, a head peaked around the corner. I dismissed it, honestly, my stomach was driving me, not my mind. With thoughts of candy and cake I looked into the small box of hopes labeled '491' and as I turned to go back to the counter, I was pierced by a foam shaft of misery...

Damn Nerf guns...

Happy Huntings!


Originally published on Thursday, October 13, 2005, in the game Champaign Dorms Fall '05

The lessons is that if you are playing assassins, don't trust every stranger who tells you to do things! That stranger might be your assassin.

'swipper' went on to get a second kill. He was eliminated before the game ended, but he still won the game since he had been the first player to reach 2 kills, and there were no players with 3 or more kills.

Uneasy Alliance

In assassins games, players often must target their friends. It's a tricky situation that can result in uneasy alliances, as seen in this story.

'Dr. Zoidberg' killed 'masterchief'

'Dr. Zoidberg' writes,
After a week or so, I finally killed masterchief. He knew I was coming for him so we had an epic battle before our history class this morning. He can explain it better so I'll let him do it.

'masterchief' writes,
This is the tale of the kill; it is a story of deceit, alliances and the battle of the century. Last week as I was studying for my midterm for history, my friend came over to study with me. He sat down and i asked him who his target was for the assassins game. He hesitated...I turned to my computer and continued typing, I had a midterm tomorrow. I then felt a tapping on my left arm; I looked and he was holding a spoon in his hand. I was surprised; he was in the other game and couldn't possibly be my killer. He took out his card showed me and I immediately stabbed him in the chest with my spoon. He looked puzzled and stated that he killed me already, but in reality he hit me on the arm [default rules say that the hit must be on the torso]. As a result of this misunderstanding and stuff (and me being a nice friend) we made an alliance such that this world has never seen before. I was to kill a person every week, and he would not kill me.
This worked at first, I killed barney fife. Everything looked great. But then I got my next assignment and I just got lazy. A week passed and it came to today at 7:50 in the morning. I knew today was the day. I took my duel nerfs and put them in my front pocket of my sweater and went downstairs. He was standing on the other side of the street (we have the same class on thursday) and i tightened my grip on my weapons. He had some weapon in his hand, and i warned him to keep his distance. His other hand shot out of his pocket and revealed a nerf gun. He shot and I skillfully dodged this, but in doing so, I made it so I couldn't get my guns out. He then took out his spoon and half a millisecond before I shot him with both my guns he stabbed me in the right shoulder. I will have my revenge on u wind guy and you will feel my full wrath.

Originally published on Thursday, October 20, 2005, in the game Champaign Dorms Fall '05

Dr. Zoidberg was one of only three players that survived until the end of the game, finishing with just one kill. Masterchief died in this story with one kill.

False Identity

This week's assassins excerpt is a tale of dormitories, AIM, and a false identity...

'makethemdieslow' killed 'TheAnti'

'makethemdieslow' writes,
Under the guise of a 'friend' of mine who only wanted to take a picture of my target (so that the 'real' player would know what he looked like), I tracked him for the better part of a week, through IM, Facebook, phone, and email. I eventually got a break when he said over IM that his computer was broken and that he had been frequenting computer labs. Past that it was luck and timing, happening to pass him on my way OUT of the dorm and still pretending to be a friendly photographer. When a huge group of people passed between us, I dug for the spoon and ended it, for some reason saying "It's you" instead of "It's me" as I did so. Killing makes a man's mind funny.

'TheAnti' writes,
Well... I have noticed a decent number of attempts at my assassin trying to find me. He staked outside my room once and I had to have my RA take care of him. Trying to contact me through a number of professional emails and through a number of my friends. He aparently told EVERYTHING to one of my friends assuming she may help him, but rather she told me. For some reason, I didn't heed the information. I guess I doubted he'd be honest. I was down in the computer lab when I told my assassin via AIM that my computer was broken. I figured he would guess I was at the computer lab, and then he left abruptly. So... I got the aych out of there. Unfortunately, I headed down to lunch with one of my pals and saw him walking the oposite direction. I tried to hide behind her and he saw me. Now... I he told me that this was his "friend" who wanted a picture of me to give to his friend who was my assassin. Although he told one of my other friends that the guy with the camera... was really him... the assassin. So at first I was skeptical. I waited from a distance when he reached in his pocket. When a camera emerged I dubed him trustworthy. So I attempted to pose in an entertaining position for his "friend's" picture. My friend whome I was heading to lunch with was standing directly next to him. He was fiddleing with his camera a bit and then a group of people walked in between us. When they cleared he was all up on me with his spoon in my gut!!! Alas... My friend whom I had trusted to keep an eye on him was far too tired to warn me. I had my defensive spoon in my pocket at the time and had no time to defend myself. Brava... Brava...


Originally published on Saturday, October 15, 2005, in the game Campus-Wide Fall '05