Ouch!

Ouch... sometimes assassins games have unintended consequences. It can be a very exciting game, but please keep your own safety in mind as you pursue your target. There's no reason to get 23 stitches, like 'Lord Raiku'...

'Lord Raiku' killed 'Nemo'

'Lord Raiku' writes,
After unsuccessfully staking out my hapless target six times in the last 2 days, the elusive 'Nemo' finally lies dead. In accomplishing this great feat I risked life and limb in the most literal sense of the word. My fruitful endeavors cost me the literal exposure of my bicep muscle and I have 23 stitches to show for it.

After spying on my target throughout dinner (which was a nice roast beef and potato affair), I realized that he was about to make a break for it. I made like lightning and bolted out of my seat and darted after his running person. I pursued him across the lush grass that separates the safety of his dorm and the neutral territory that is the cafe, nearing him with every stride. Finally, I was in range. I gave my weapon a mighty squeeze, beaming an arch of water at his back. Again I fired. I realized he was nearing safety, as he approached the TWUSA office.

I don't know what happened next. I slipped on the confounded mud, but staying upright, I shot my target and promptly smashed right through the glass window with my outstretched right arm. The glass sliced my upper arm, exposing my muscle to the open air, heavy with mustard gas (alright, the mustard gas is a lie). I stared at my wound, in utter shock, but, arranging my priorities, I confirmed that I had killed my target. The response was affirmative. I realized it was now appropriate to collapse on the ground. I collapsed on the ground. I hyperventilated. I was rushed to the hospital and 23 stitches later I'm fully repaired and back in the game. Watch out, Ketchum's about.

'Nemo' writes,
Well... I will let him tell the story if he wants, but he definitely earned this kill! No doubt about it...


Originally published on Friday, March 17, 2006, in the game Mission Ops Spring '06

This was Lord Raiku's second and final kill. He was alive when the game ended.

Entertaining Kill Reports

When you're playing an assassins game that has a good game history page, you get to write kill reports for all the other players in the game to see. Indeed, part of the fun of playing assassins is writing entertaining kill reports. I was entertained by this one when I saw it:

'Lord Raiku' killed 'Vinny the Fish'

'Lord Raiku' writes,
It was a sneaky kill. I deceived the target into trusting me. I chased him and shot him in the torso, and blood spilled all over the sidewalk, forming the letters "MISTRUST" on the pathway.

'Vinny the Fish' writes,
It all started as an ordinary day. The paranoia, the jumping at shadows, and the running from black cats. A little after noon I was eating my lunch in the cafeteria. As I finished my meal, I took my refuse to the trash bin as usual. As I was preparing to leave the cafeteria, one of my trusted associates initiated a conversation with me. I, trusting the fellow, bid him farewell and headed off for my next engagement.

As I stepped out of the cafeteria, I could feel the weight of doom pressing down heavily on my back, and from behind me came a mighty war cry, as if all the mountains of the earth were being crushed with one herculean explosion of sound. I turned, fearing for my life, and beheld my doom approaching. Defenseless, I ran with all of my strength, but I had only taken half a dozen steps when the traitor's shot caught me on my leg. Falling to the ground. I stared blearily through a haze of pain as my attacker moved in to finish me off. Just before dealing the final blow, he spoke the words, "pancakes," then shot me in the solar plexus. As the world faded to black, all I could think was, "Why pancakes?"


Originally published on Tuesday, March 14, 2006, in the game Mission Ops Spring '06

'Lord Raiku' finished the game alive with two kills.

Patience is a virtue but Relctuance and Procrastination are faults

In assassins games, Patience is a virtue, but Reluctance and Procrastination can be faults. Deadly faults. Especially when your target and assassin both eat at the same dormitory cafeteria as you...

'Phenomenal Woman' killed 'Crazy Squirrel'

'Phenomenal Woman' writes,
Well I was eating dinner, you know. They had fried chicken and it was good. So I was waiting forever, watching the door, just waiting for Amanda to come in. So I gave up looking for her and started to watch for others trying to kill me. Just when I was putting my tray up, she walked in. So I followed her to the chicken line and graciously sat the dot* on her shoulder. Yup, that's how my first target went down. Isn't it exciting.

* In this assassins game, they chose to use dot-shaped stickers as the only allowable weapon.

'Crazy Squirrel' writes,
Well, I was walking to dinner all paranoid. Just waiting...I get to the dining hall and think, "Is the dining hall safe?" I see my target going to sit down and wonder whether or not I should get her now. I decide on later. I see 'Phenomenal Woman' walking out the door and since we always smile at each other, I smiled at her, didn't think anything of it, and got into line for food where I see that it's fried chicken and the end of the macaroni, so I was silently complaining about not getting a lot of cheese with my macaroni. I was a little mad, I like cheese. I'm leaning against the wall when all of a sudden I feel a pressure on my shoulder, I turn around and there is 'Phenomenal Woman' who informs me I was her target.

Originally published on Wednesday, March 01, 2006, in the game Wesleyan Dots Spring '06

'Phenomenal Woman' woman died two days later outside the art building. This was her only kill.

Patience is a Virtue

In this blog, you have read about many elaborate, lucky, or fancy ways of eliminating your target. But sometimes the best strategy is to simply wait outside your target's residence, especially if you target lives in a dormitory. This tactic requires patience, but it gets the job done. Let 'Polly Nomial' tell you all about it...

'Polly Nomial' killed 'Custard Cup'

'Polly Nomial' writes,
No info, no sightings, no kills, nothing. With Slaughter of the Innocents* looming near, something drastic had to be done. Something.... lethal. My accomplice and I stalked his [dormitory] floor, dodging resident and RA alike, all apathetic to our loitering presence. As we drew close to his lair, a light burned from within to signal his presence. Alas, he was protected by the conventions of invitation**. So I waited. And waited. And got a drink of water. And waited. My accomplice standing guard, we saw the light go out, the door shut. I had lost my chance. Or had I... my oblivious prey left his room and walked right toward us, equally unconcerned about the presence of awkwardly placed strangers - "Hey... Kurt? I know you! You're Kurt! I'm... I'm terribly sorry..." swift spoon to the gut, "...you're dead."

Originally published on Tuesday, February 14, 2006, in the game Campus-Wide Spring '06

*Slaughter of the Innocents: A day on which all players in the game who have no kills were scheduled to be removed.

**Conventions of Invitiation: Standard assassins rules state that a player's living space is a safe zone where he can not be assassinated, unless he invites his assassin in.

'Polly Nomial' went on to get second place in the game, with two kills.

Theatrics

Some assassins are so confident in their killing ability, that they don't just go straight for the kill; they do something flashy and unnecessary. Learn from 'Hallowed are the Ori'...

'Hallowed are the Ori' killed 'Felix Leiter'

'Hallowed are the Ori' writes,
This kill was so awesome that it merits dropping the prior act temporarily. I talked to Jon a few hours after I killed him, and found out that my next target was none other than my friend Greg, so I decided to stage the kill with Jon. Greg was at a local Inflatable Dome event at the time, so I talked to him and revealed that I had to kill Jon, disregarding the fact that I'd killed him hours earlier. About fifteen minutes after I left, I sent Jon in to talk with Greg, then I rushed in ninja- style and "killed" Jon, making a big scene of it. When the laughter subsided, I turned my weapon on Greg and killed him. Greg I'm sorry, but at least it was funnier than following you to class and shooting you in the back.

Originally published on Wednesday, February 08, 2006, in the game Urbana Dorms Spring '06

'Hallowed are the Ori', an excellent assassin, went on to win the game with 5 kills.