Entertaining Kill Reports

When you're playing an assassins game that has a good game history page, you get to write kill reports for all the other players in the game to see. Indeed, part of the fun of playing assassins is writing entertaining kill reports. I was entertained by this one when I saw it:

'Lord Raiku' killed 'Vinny the Fish'

'Lord Raiku' writes,
It was a sneaky kill. I deceived the target into trusting me. I chased him and shot him in the torso, and blood spilled all over the sidewalk, forming the letters "MISTRUST" on the pathway.

'Vinny the Fish' writes,
It all started as an ordinary day. The paranoia, the jumping at shadows, and the running from black cats. A little after noon I was eating my lunch in the cafeteria. As I finished my meal, I took my refuse to the trash bin as usual. As I was preparing to leave the cafeteria, one of my trusted associates initiated a conversation with me. I, trusting the fellow, bid him farewell and headed off for my next engagement.

As I stepped out of the cafeteria, I could feel the weight of doom pressing down heavily on my back, and from behind me came a mighty war cry, as if all the mountains of the earth were being crushed with one herculean explosion of sound. I turned, fearing for my life, and beheld my doom approaching. Defenseless, I ran with all of my strength, but I had only taken half a dozen steps when the traitor's shot caught me on my leg. Falling to the ground. I stared blearily through a haze of pain as my attacker moved in to finish me off. Just before dealing the final blow, he spoke the words, "pancakes," then shot me in the solar plexus. As the world faded to black, all I could think was, "Why pancakes?"


Originally published on Tuesday, March 14, 2006, in the game Mission Ops Spring '06

'Lord Raiku' finished the game alive with two kills.